Hecho en Cartagena

December 24th, 2012
Christmas Eve in Cartagena, Colombia

I got up a little earlier than usual to watch the sail into Cartagena, and I was amazed to find a completely white city!  As we got closer, it turned out that it was just the clouds, the haze, and the atmosphere that turned all the buildings white in the distance.  But still, this city was much more than I expected out of Colombia.

Yo ho, yo ho.

When it comes to your time in Colombia, you have two options: you can stay in the cruise terminal area, which is big, has a Juan Valdez coffee shop, souvenir shops, wifi, and an open tropical bird habitat.  Or you can venture out into the city.  I put it this way because the rest of the world tends to think Colombia is dangerous.  And maybe they're right.  I can tell you that my bank was upset I was going to Colombia, and I have a pretty main stream bank.

Well, I had one hour to spend in Colombia, and here's the breakdown of what I did.:

Snapped a picture of the flamingos at the cruise terminal.

After being funneled through the main souvenir shop, you emerge into a little square, where these guys are waiting to distract you.

And distract me they did.

In the Tiki tiki tiki tiki tiki room.

¿Paolo quiere una galleta?

After having my fill of parrot talk, I walked out of the safe area and ventured into the taxi stop.  A funny thing happened here.  Just about every taxi driver called out to me and said, "¡Oye, vamos a los chicas!"  But I passed on the Diseases-R-Us and found a guy and asked him for a quick tour.

I should have stayed with the birds.  My first clue: our first stop was the house that belonged to the former head of the Colombian mafia.  I think his name was Pablo Columbo, or something like that.

I should have stayed with the birds because in Colombia, there's a high chance that your cab driver is going to be a sleaze bag.  And I ended up with one.  I'll tell you why later.  I don't want to spoil the picture of the fort.

Here's a giant fort.

See this next sign?  Take a wild guess on whether or not my cab driver observed it.

No honking sign.  Not enforced.

Another fort.

Here is where things got rough for me.  I took a picture of these horse statues, and then looked at my watch.  I told my driver that it was time for me to go back to the ship because I had to make a sail away time.  He told me, "Oh, no let me just quickly take you through old town."  I said no thanks and that I really just needed to turn around at go back to the ship.

Instead of listening to me, my driver gets on a one way bridge to old town Cartagena.  Once we're there, there is only one way out of the city, and that's to drive all the way around it, and take the bridge back.  At least, that's what he told me and that's what he did.  I call bullshit on this one.

It's not like he was running up a meter, because there was no meter, but we never discussed a price.  Anyway, there ends up being traffic in old town, my driver is pissed, I'm pissed, and he's honking, and then he's driving on the sidewalk, or with one wheel on the curb.  He eventually gets me back to the ship...20 minutes late, and then expects to be paid.  Well, I have to give him something.

I made the mistake of not presorting my Colombian cash, and when I took it out, he saw how much I had, so when I handed him the equivalent of $30, he pretended that it wouldn't even buy him a coke.

What a dick.

Anyway, he's gone now.  Whenever I meet people like that, I like to remember that God will deal with each and every one of them in his own time.

Guess which one of these monstrosities is my ship?

Not vacation.

If you said "neither," you are correct!

Here's my ship!

Goodbye Colombia!  Take all your drug money and buy some manners.  Oh, and Merry Christmas Eve!